Million Dollar Arm

In 2008, Rinku Singh (Suraj Sharma) and Dinesh Patel (Madhur Mittal) were the first Indian athletes to be signed to a professional American sports team after being discovered through a reality show competition called "Million Dollar Arm", ran by sports agent JB Bernstein (Jon Hamm). But before they were signed, they had less than a year to learn how to play baseball, and now we have this movie.

It's pretty cut and dry, with the fish-out-of-water scenario and the unlikely bonding that comes with it. The sad part about this movie, is that Disney didn't seem to try with the marketing, because literally, the entire movie is shown in the trailers, except for the end. Not only is the movie as predictable as the Heat winning the NBA finals, it doesn't seem to do the players justice.

The characters aren't necessarily flat, but merely 2 dimensional. It's enough for someone to care about them, but not enough for anyone to become more interested in this story. The comic relief carries the movie, but everything else seems to be lacking significantly. It's fun to see Rinku and Dinesh, along with Amit Rohan (Pitobash), adapt to America. But their progress in terms of baseball and their relationship with JB feel underplayed.

Pacing is a bit of an issue, because these two players don't come to America until about halfway through the movie. It's like watching 42 if Harrison Ford had spent half the movie looking for Jackie Robinson. Alan Arkin is in this movie for like fifteen minutes, which is just sort of what he does nowadays. He's actually not his usual funny self in this outside of a few one-liners. He literally walks out of the film, having served his purpose for the time.

The obligatory romance between JB and his tenant Brenda (Lake Bell) isn't necessarily refreshing, but it's tolerable. Since Bell's character is actively involved with the other characters, it doesn't feel like the usual forced romance. She keeps the plot moving and JB a relatively interesting protagonist. Aasif Mandvi is entertaining, but could be completely removed from the movie and hardly anything would change.

I'll admit, I laughed a few times, and I had a smile on my face for a lot of the movie. But as someone with a real soft spot for sports films, this felt unnecessary. Any knowledge of baseball isn't needed for this movie, and neither is an interest in India. The truth is, this movie is just Jerry Maguire, except this actually happened. The stakes don't even feel that high in the end, which is why most sports movies take place after the players are signed. There's not a lot to say about this movie, because everything is so middle of the road, there's not much to complain about.

Baseball movie: C+

Average: B

Grudge Match

Henry "Razor" Sharp (Stallone) retired from the boxing right before a tie-breaking fight with Billy "The Kid" McDonnen, who has spent the last thirty years waiting for a chance to redeem himself after a loss to Sharp. Sharp has been living day to day working manual labor in Pittsburgh, while McDonnen opened a restaurant. Both are fairly out of shape, and well, old. Kevin Hart plays basically himself trying to promote the fight.

Sylvester Stallone has built his career based on his character Rocky Balboa. And a high point of DeNiro's still booming career is playing Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull. What could be a better tribute film to the apparently dead genre of boxing films than Grudge Match?

This basically feels like every Rocky movie thrown sloppily together. Every plot of every Rocky film that later turned into a cliché might just be in this movie. The only thing missing was the actual theme song. Stallone and DeNiro both play their parts well respectively. The problem is it's basically a comedy film that has a lot less heart than it's supposed to have. Even worse, it's not that funny.

The jokes have a hard time landing. Alan Arkin plays Lightning, Razor's trainer, and I wish I could say he stole the show like he does in everything, but the film seems really unbalanced in terms of comedic timing. Which is really something when you're talking about Arkin. Kevin Hart on the other hand, just comes off as annoying. Both of them are there for the jokes, but in the showing I was in, the audience laughed at maybe 25% of them.

The film has a gross amount of product placement. It wasn't nearly as bad as Skyfall, Man of Steel, or the should-be-erased-from-history Jack & Jill. But between the number of people with the same phone in a different color that wasn't an iPhone and a giant sign on the ground with the Target symbol (and name brand) on it, it was disturbing.

For the first half of the movie, everyone is so focused on getting people to go to the fight. If you really sat down and thought about it for less than ten seconds you would assume thousands of people would want to see a grudge match like this no matter how old they were. In fact, the chance that one of them dies would fill the venue alone. It even has a cringe-inducing scene of Stallone and DeNiro singing a terrible rendition of the national anthem at a rodeo, though it is more than clearly a cheap green screen.

Joe Bernthal plays B.J. (don't worry, they address it), McDonnen's son, and like the rest of the movie, their story arc is pretty cliché ridden too. Bernthal was a great choice appearance wise, and he is a remarkably good actor. B.J.'s mother (Kim Basinger), Sally Rose (or blonde Adrian, whatever), attempts to reconnect with Razor as B.J. attempts to connect with McDonnen.

B.J. has a son named Trey (Camden Grey) who might just be the funniest part of this movie. He is one of the reasons why this movie has heart. I would not have been as invested had it not been for Grey's performance. As funny as it is to see Arkin making old jokes, it's even funnier seeing a child call DeNiro old. And yes, there is your irresponsible parenting twist cliché that is resolved fairly quickly.

If you've seen Raging Bull and all of the Rocky films, then you could either enjoy it or write it off as a terrible way for DeNiro and Stallone to relive their glory days. Seriously, everything about Razor's story arc just screams Rocky Balboa. The main differences being he's more introverted and poorly makes dog sculptures out of scrap metal. The final fight uses themes from the Rocky films that make it all too familiar.

There were simply too many missed opportunities for some real heartfelt moments. You can tell that they tried in several scenes, but even a great cast can't pull it off with a weak script. There's just too much geriatric humor. You couldn't count how many times the phrase "I'm old" was dropped. On the bright side, it was paced very well, I was never bored thanks to my love for the Rocky films. But it ended very abruptly.

I don't know if I can recommend this. It's not like it's as bad as Rocky V, but it doesn't have the heart of Rocky Balboa. Why am I judging this based on these movies? Because they're the same movies. They try to make you root for both fighters, but DeNiro plays an antagonist, even if you sympathize with him. If you're a fan, I'd suggest you give it a try. While ridden with clichés, it makes a somewhat enjoyable movie for a very narrow audience.

Rating: C-